Review: Tenchu Dark Secret DS

Tenchu

As a poor student I once was marooned in Chester for a summer. This being the grim naaarth I had nowt to do but wander the streets entertaining myself with only a black and white Gameboy for company. I would go into the second hand shops and buy random carts in the hope that one would throw up some kind of classic gaming action. Alas, it wasn’t to be and all were complete and utter rubbish. As the Gameboy was almost an obsolete format at this time there were many carts to choose from and I placed myself in the shoes of somebody who had say 30 quid to spend on one game and how they would view their purchase. When I get the same game for pounds then I have a different perspective and I can more or less throw the thing away when I discovered how bad it was whereas if you save all month for the same title you stick with it in the hope it’ll get better. Tenchu: Dark Secret on the DS is one of these games. I am sure there are people that have bought this (for a reputed $50 in the US) and are persevering with it hoping it will get better but they would be kidding themselves. I love a stealth-em-up like the next man and have always had a yearning to play this on the PS but I never got round to it so I was pleased when it arrived on the DS. The PSP version looks very good indeed (more-or-less a straight port I think) so I was hoping for good things.

Game play: Into battle I went and the opening sequences are all lovely with some banal story involving a dead princes and some villagers. Yada yada yada. The gameplay is repetitive but there is something a little compelling about wandering around this poorly rendered landscape. Maybe I’m sick or a glutton for punishment but sneaking up on people and slashing them from behind is never boring in my book even if the collision detection is appalling.

Graphics: as you slash you foe the top screen transforms into a picture of some fool yelling ‘’Arrghh’’ or summat similar – great at first but the tedium wears off after the first few times and to be honest, it looks very naff. The rest of the graphics are mode 7-tatsic and look very very old and clunky as is the animation of the ninja you are playing.

Sound: The sound is butt and I have heard better on a Spectrum when it comes to vocals. This is the limitation of the DS and this is more SNES then N64 even. There are a few ‘’Japanese’’ numbers as you mince around the village/forest/ castle but aside from that it’s Shit Sound City we’re driving through

Replay Value: Zero. None. It’s not worth replaying the second level after you have done the first as it is identical and as tedious. You won’t be rushing to play this again. Really, you won’t

Summary: Having said all of that I have been playing it. Like watching a bad film or listening to the Beach Boys this game is so bad it is good. Like my experiences in Chester I look at this from a different perspective from somebody that has just spent a large amount of money on this rubbish. Don’t get me wrong, if this wasn’t of a stealthy mind and body I doubt I would persevere but there is something about its crapness that pulls me in like the sucker I am. If you are going to buy this don’t bother if you can get through another means then I would say have bash and then don’t bother. 3/10

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