Stanfords Finest

After a quick breeze around Aberdeen I’m feeling a bit more benevolent today. First things first, Aberdeen is, what we call in the trade, a shit hole. Ok, ok, maybe not all of Aberdeen is but the ”town center” undoubtedly is. Unless, of course, you have Hong Kong tinted glasses on which case all of honkers is one groovy east-meets-west-Asian-European-nirvana however, those of us in the real world know that Aberdeen houses the poor and is seldom in the guide books save for the floating turd Jumbo restaurant. Anyway, the sun has got his hat on and it is boiling hot on the rock of Hong Kong . THIS is why we came, to escape the drudgery and misery of the UK and, for a bit of currant bun. Since the turn of the year it has been pretty miserable, but today it has picked up considerably and I predict it to continue all week as sun like this doesn’t just disappear overnight. My walk to Aberdeen central was transformed into a pleasant stroll in the sun where I laughed and danced with the locals who welcomed me with open arms and warm, warm smiles. So, here is to the first day of summer, to more exploration of Aberdeen, to stop moaning about things beyond my abilities to change and to September when we can move apartments and where I can re-evaluate my current employment situation. It’s going to be the summer of grind albeit in fantastic weather which you don’t get in the central areas thanks to Mr. Smog and Mrs. Pollution. Every cloud has a silver lining. I love Aberdeen.

I cannot stop spending money. For the first time in my life I have disposable income to burn and there is no end to the amount of consumer tat that you can throw your dollars at here in Hong Kong. I’m now buying things on a whim that I would have spent weeks agonising over back in Londres. The problem is that I am not on a serious amount of wedge to able to buy useful things like cars, yachts or property but I have enough to buy say a Rolex (cheap one) or some other cheap-end high-end consumer tosh. The problem with Hong Kong , as in most of Asia, is that the such a huge gap in wealth that you can only buy something A) very expensive or B)very cheap. In clothing terms you can either buy Gucci or rags, a Rolls Royce or bike, an eight course banquet or some shit in a tray. There is no middle ground and the same can be said for salaries and, although compared to the bankers and lawyers that would laugh their Prada pants off at my meagre earnings, I am earning far and away more than my contemporaries back home with less expenditure now Her Indoors has now found gainful employment. So what to do with this surplus money? The smart thing is to save but that is v boring so my rule of thumb is save half spend half. Even then I struggle to spend that half on anything meaningful so I fritter it away on shit just to give me some consumerist hit. My current drug is clothing and I am splashing out on threads I previously couldn’t afford JUST BECAUSE I CAN. I think it’s some childhood thing coming out and I am now determined to hold on to the money from now on. A fool and his money and all that

Live Earth? Personally I had NO IDEA there was a problem with the environment and I just hope a load of self-righteous, pompous dinosaur ”pop stars” and radical ”new bands” can spread the word of climate change by this huge concert that will change THE LIVES OF MILLIONS. I mean, if nobody gave a tom-tit about greenhouse gasses then Madonna on stage belting out Like A Virgin will CHANGE THE WORLD. Come on people, join the REVOLUTION

Squash is a funny old game. Took it up in Thailand over Christmas and carried on over here in Honkers. On paper it is a ludicrous game and trying to hit a small rubber ball away from your opponent seems ridiculous but then so was Pong. In fact I see squash as a 3D version of Pong but with better graphics and added health benefits. Speaking of which this has to be the most tiring activity you can do. I play an hour at a time and, being as I am not much cop, I spend most of that hour chasing the ball around a room like a blind cat – great for burning the fat and cardio. I had my first lesson after missing a month and was very pleased that I had lost little of my technique. When I say technique I mean I can hit the ball like a girl instead of a stroke victim.

So one of the upsides for you, my fans, to this lack of work on my ”plate” is that I can regale you with various insights into my amazing life. As insights go this one is a real cracker so sit down, get out the popcorn and listen to my views on…learning Mandarin!

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After such a long time being run by the bastard English you would’ve reckoned on our Hong Kong residents being a little more sophisticated than they are so obviously not. A Cantonese colleague of mine tells the story of flights to China from Hong Kong where your normal reserved Cantonese person will leave Hong Kong and, en route, turn into rabid barbarian once they touch down in the ”motherland”. This is where the the Cantonese are heading and most of my colleagues,Cantonese, are going the same way. When I was based in the central areas the staff were more open but now we’ve moved to this hinterland they have morphed into every other bemused ”man-in-the-street” and walk past in a fearful, pensive fashion because that’s how every one else acts ergo they must do the same. Safety in numbers DO NOT STAND OUT is the aim of the game for these dudes. Me? I stand out like a spare prick at a wedding which gives them the jitters so they avoid me like the plague. (more…)