Expat Bloggers make me want to smoke crack

Middle Class Couple


I came to Hong Kong to escape the middle class buffon. Those wannabe Tim-Nice-But-Dim’s that clogged up the streets of our Kensington neighbourhood were really getting on my tits. Of course there were other reasons for our departure from the UK but the middle class yearning that ran rampant through the UK in latter part of the 80’s and right through the 90’s was really too much to bear. So imagine my surprise when a quick breeze through the ex-pat Hong Kong blogging community finds this festering mould alive and well here in dear old honkers. Shacked up in their Discovery Bay enclaves they churn out the same honky-orientated observational drivel. Why Tim do you think you are the first person to notice that the residents of Hong Kong walk slowly? Why Tim do you think you are the first person to notice the MTR is busy? Why Tim do you think nobody has ever noticed the fact that the language barrier is a real pain and the fact they think differently makes the Cantonese inferior? The problem with bloggers is that any Tom, Dick or Tim can put their meandering, tiresome and painfully unfunny ‘’observations’’ out there and, that my friends, is never a good thing. I feel a deep embarrassment when I read the nauseating and pointless daily entries by people that are nonentities in reality and hide smugly behind their laptops in Starbucks bashing out naff quips and quite frankly racist banter. I think we need to clear one thing up for these comedic geniuses; HONG KONG IS NOT LIKE THE UK. HONG KONG IS NOT LIKE AMERICA. IT’S A DIFFERENT PART OF THE WORLD. IF you accept this logic then please, Mr. Not Original, do attempt to refrain from pointing out the differences in a negative ‘’this is shit, that is shit’’ fashion. If is indeed shit then please, pretty please, take the first plane out of here. I myself have struggled over the last few months to understand the mindset of Asia and specifically the Cantonese but my rants are specific to me – they are not generalised clichéd puns and quips based around the fact wearesodifferentlikenobodyhasnoticedthatbefore.

I struggle here but not from a remote point of view but as somebody trying to integrate. I have Cantonese friends, I am learning the lingua and most of my life is a million times better for not meeting a thousand Tim’s every fucking day. Alas, via the magic of the interweb these characters again thrust their cyber Ford Focuses into my lane and chat foolishness. This is Hong Kong and it is 2007 and I understand why our Cantonese brothers hate the white man. By some fortune of birth these Tim’s have had privilege and opportunity scattered at their feet and the best they can do is be posted in some mid management role in HSBC in the fragrant harbor. The bad news for us is that we have to put it with them clogging up the streets and now the internet. If you must post your dirge Tim please make original. You are an embarrassment.

One Response to “Expat Bloggers make me want to smoke crack”

  1. Lesley says:

    My goodness strong words indeed. I am an expat and write a blog. I hate the ‘them and us’ attitude. I love it here and am very sure that the massive generalizations made by some, especially when they first arrive, are misguided and just plain wrong. I have little time for the people who harp on about how good/better it is in England. Its just not true is it?