Archive for August, 2006

Eat to Live

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006


As if any further proof was needed that world is unbalanced economically we today learn that the Brits, like the yanks natch, are turning into lardy dumb asses like never before. Since 2003 the obesity rate has risen to 38% in adults. This is mostly down to the fact that poor quality food is cheap, glamorous and thrust upon a nation that must consume, quite literally, in order to have any meaningful purpose in life. The English now eat junk food and drink Irn Bru 32 to confirm their existence – I eat therefore I am.


Bono is a Hypocrite

Friday, August 18th, 2006

bush and bono

I like Apple as I’ve said. I like them in an Ikea liberal Starbucks group-sex hippie-commune single-parent kind-of-way. That’s the image they want to flog and it’s one I’ve subliminally said yes to. But we all know that you don’t get big in business without dancing with the devil. (more…)

All Estate Agents Are Cowboys

Wednesday, August 16th, 2006

estate agents


Yee haa. Aside from Daily Mail Journalists the lowest of the low must surely be estate agents. As one of the thousands of regular readers of this blog you will know we are moving abroad meaning we need to rent out our flat. Being that we live in a ‘good’ part of London the estate agents here fancy themselves as a cut above your usual estate agent cowboy. They come round like posh wolves and speak in the most ludicrous public school accents looking down their noses at the property they themselves could not afford to buy or rent because they are not qualified to do nadda apart from yap, lie and persuade. Estate agents are crooks and the jig is up thanks to the interweb.


Daily Mail – The End Is Nigh

Tuesday, August 15th, 2006

Reading the Evening Standard these days is a sorry state of affairs. The Daily Mail and General Trust, publishers of the Evening standard and sister rag The Daily Mail must be shaking in their middle England boots as it looks like the age of the newspaper draws to a discrete close. Why? Three stories in today’s Evening Standard were concerning stories that are Big On The Internet – a make-up video for Chavs on Youtube, another video of chavs beating each other up, also on Youtube, and a story about Dell laptops catching fire as seen on the internet of course. The Newspapers are now left standing by new technology. (more…)

Irn Bru 32 Makes Me Want To Smoke Crack

Sunday, August 13th, 2006

a wife beater yesterday

Our ancestors struggled for 500 years to establish Western Europe as the leading civilisation of modern times bringing enlightenment to man. For a prolonged period during the 19th century Britain, rightly or wrongly, was the most powerful country in the world. Ever since this peak she has had no way to go but down and this trend continues to the present day. As a people we are soft, stodgy and dumb. A good barometer of where our minds are at is advertising. Right now advertising, as always, is all about The Sex and increasingly it is all about being stoopid. Knowledge, or being academic, is not a good look in TV Ad land and the ‘nerds’ never get the girl unless they use a certain deodorant and they are never popular unless they drink a certain beer. Being as we are now in fear of knowledge it is no accident that advertising has declared war on intelligence. (more…)

Film Review – Miami Vice

Sunday, August 13th, 2006

miami vice

I have a new test called the Miami Vice Test. Ask someone what they think of the film and if they don’t like it because it should have been an 80’s kitsch experiment then they are beyond salvation and you must leave them to their own tormented existence. We are seemingly so retarded that the only art we can digest is facile and insubstantial and our minds and attention spans have now shrunk to that of goldfish allowing us to laugh at the same joke over and over and over again. This was most recently displayed by the public’s reaction to the Starsky and Hutch film which was simply one 70’s joke on repeat and therefore guaranteeing success at the box office. No wonder the film execs and audiences were up in arms with Miami Vice – why not do an 80’s Starsky and Hutch with Miami Vice huh? You know, the slip-on shoes and the shoulder pads and the big hair? It could have been the perfect multiplex fodder for the masses that had already digested and shitted out the Starsky and Hutch burger and were hungry for more. Alas Mann said no and the Chavs are livid. No neon lights? No knowing winks or mullets? Not here stupid. (more…)

PSP – Liberty City Stories

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

Tony Yestrday

When the third Grand Theft Auto came out years ago for the PS2 I was talking to my then work colleague about the game. He asked me if it was good and I said it was the best game I have ever played with such conviction he probably thought I was bit of a twat. He bought it anyway during his lunch hour. The next day he said it was the best game he had ever played with the same conviction. (more…)

Make Or Break

Wednesday, August 9th, 2006

Des'ree Yesterday

As I was saying the only hurdle stopping my successful application for A/ the job and B/ The Visa are the references from previous employers. Well I got them all today and one is poor, one is OK and the other is ace. You can guess who provided the crap one. How bitter can a huge company be? So what I used their time, money and resources to set up my company under their noses for sixth months – get over it. Clearly they haven’t so the only “reference” I got was a conformation that I worked there on some headed paper. But the idiots also sent a letter with it saying this will suffice for a visa application and that the person providing the other information is away on holiday so it may confuse the Hong Kong officials and/or new boss. We’ll see. In the meantime we have to continue on selling everything we own and finalising our business dealings and the hope that it all works out. And if it doesn’t we are cream crackered. As Des’ree said “Life, oh life! Oh life! Oh life! doo, doot doot dooo… Life, oh life! Oh life!”

Truck Turner

Monday, August 7th, 2006


Sex, Lies and Computer Game Tapes

Tuesday, August 1st, 2006


The Kids have it so easy. Back in the days when Hip Hop was Hip Hop and computer games were new and exciting it was almost impossible to find out what was happening in each respective “scene”. I’m talking late 80’s and there was NO coverage of hip hop in the UK. Nothing. Zilch. The only way we, the kids, could find out what was happening in Hip Hop was via Tim Westwood’s Capital Rap Show which was on between the prime time hours of 2am and 4am every Friday night. There were no magazines, millions of intercunt sites, 24 hour specialist TV stations or radio, not counting Tim of course. The same could of been said of computer games. Although the art of the veejo game is still shunned on mainstream TV there are now specialist shows on satellite and there are more mags and books and interweb sites than you can shake a Konix Joystick at. For both genres all the bases are covered a thousand times everyday.


As gamers we survived on one magazine, Computer and Video Games, to bring us arcade and multi-format news. The other magazines were great for computer games but there was no arcade or console news so we were largely fucked on that front. Arcades for me had their magic years in the late 80’s and early 90’s. This was when Sega was at its prime and arcade games looked like the works of gods compared to our monochrome speccy graphics. I could only worship for the odd couple of hours once or twice a month or until my 10p’s ran out. Entering the arcades was ecstasy and I would stand and watch the Out Run and Space Harrier machines shunt all over the shop as they chewed 10p after 10p. Each visit to the arcades was like a journey to paradise and once our money was done we would come away with nothing but memories. With this in mind you can imagine how precious the gift that came with one issue of C+VG was – a tape of the Out Run and 720 arcade game music. To play the tape would invoke all the memories of being “there” and having this object created some tangible link to the arcade game we were still playing in our minds. I found this tape the other day – somehow it has remained with me and I am so glad. Just looking at it makes me feel good. So here it is, to be forever immortalised on the interspazz that The Kids take for granted. Enjoy.